The SKATES are high

Sarah Rodrigues visits the roller derby revival that is keeping Austin wonderfully weird »

“Yeah – you’d BETTER cross to the other side of the street when you see me!” My friend and I like to pretend we’d say this to someone who’s wronged (read: mildly irritated) us. But after watching Austin’s roller derby skaters, our hollow bravado is almost as embarrassing as the strap-on skates I wore when I was eight. Man, I really wanted lace-up ones. The TXRD Thunderdome is in Buda, on the southwestern outskirts of Austin. It’s an unassuming, low-slung building – but inside, the atmosphere is electric. Beer sloshes in plastic cups and kids wear foam ear protectors.

Adult spectators are in all-out costume: not generic merch, but horns and fire designs for Putas del Fuego, or halos and nuns’ habits for the Holy Rollers. On the track, groups of skaters are warming up, wheeling in mildly predatory circles.

Then the whistle blows, and ear protectors make perfect sense. The low ceiling only intensifies the cacophony. Fans roar, wheels screech, and the announcer barely draws breath. Fishnet-clad legs flash beneath short skirts. Every few seconds, the referee’s whistle shrills. My teeth are buzzing.

But at least I have them. I reckon they’d be gone in 60 seconds if I was out there – mouthguard or not.

A little context helps to make sense of the chaos. A game is split into four eight-minute quarters, which are in turn made up of ‘jams’, each lasting up to a minute. Each jam deploys five players per team: four blockers and a star-helmetted jammer. When the whistle blows, the blockers take off. Three seconds later, the jammers follow, trying to slither through and outpace them. On every subsequent lap, the jammers score a point for every opposing blocker they pass. There’s nothing genteel about this sport. It’s fast-paced, full contact and, honestly, a bit feral. The skaters have names such as Cyd Vicious, Hex Appeal, Faye Tality, and Blunt Force Trauma, and spectators scream them out as they barrel past. Although sometimes they’re not barrelling past: they’re being smashed into the rails, or sent tumbling into the referee’s area. Torsos, shoulders and upper arms are weapons, and anywhere between the collarbone and the top of the thighs is fair game; elbowing, tripping up and hitting the face aren’t technically allowed. Which isn’t to say they don’t happen.

The TXRD deals with such transgressions with trademark sass. Enter the Penalty Wheel, where a spin chastises wrongdoers with punishments such as pillow fights and tug-of-war contests.

Now steaming into its 25th year, the Texas Roller Derby league is generally credited with reviving the sport, which had its first incarnation in the 1930s under Leo Seltzer, an entrepreneur and promoter from Chicago.

Combining the craze for dance marathons with roller skating, his events saw co-ed teams skating in turns for days on end to reach a 3,000-mile goal. As the sport evolved, it started looking more like today’s high-contact version – and audiences became even more engaged. It's amazing what the prospect of a little bloodshed can do. The movement fizzled out over the1970s – but leave it to Austin, a defiant patch of blue in a largely red state, to bring it back. After all, the proud intention here is to ‘Keep Austin Weird’: to be unique, to embrace counterculture and to support local businesses.

"I wince every time contact is made – so my face is almost permanently twisted into an unattractive grimace."

In 2001, the roller derby rebirth began to rumble amid the Red River Street punk rock scene, with a musician known as Devil Dan recruiting for a local league. His vision was theatrical, and recruits fundraised to make it feasible – only, it’s said, to have him skip town with the spoils.

You need only witness one jam to imagine how undeterred these early noughties skaters would have been by this. Indeed, I suspect Devil Dan got off rather lightly: recruits simply ploughed ahead without him to form Bad Girl Good Woman Productions (BGGW) and other groups, fine-tuning their own logistics.

Eventually, however, rivalry, injuries and monetary setbacks caused the league to split into today’s flat-track Texas Rollergirls (TXRG) and the banked-track baddies of TXRD.

Despite their differences (TXRD is as much about spectacle as athleticism), both remain fiercely independent. Not only do league skaters become owners and operators of the business but they do the legwork, including building and dismantling the track. TXRD is also inclusive, open to all gender identities, and a sport in which fierceness and growth are as celebrated in personal expressions as in physical ones.

Back in the Thunderdome, I wince every time contact is made – so my face is almost permanently twisted into an unattractive grimace. Yet I’m annoyed to think that I won’t be around for the free workshops held by TXRD.

You don’t even need any gear or experience: they provide everything and teach you the moves ahead of league try-outs. It’s bizarre: how can I be fantasising about trying a sport I’m almost too squeamish to watch? Simple: the exhilaration in the Thunderdome is intoxicating – and the players’ outfits are giving me FOMO, too.

A line from Drew Barrymore’s 2009 directorial debut, Whip It , is my reality check: “Let’s remember that derby is a brutal sport… We see our fair share of sprained ankles and broken bones... fishnet burns and black eyes.”

Well, at the very least – next time I threaten someone, I’ll make sure I’m wearing lace-up skates.

GETTING THERE Direct flights to Austin from the UK are available from London Heathrow via British Airways, taking just over 10 hours. GETTING AROUND You can navigate Austin using CapMetro public transport (fares start at around $1.25 or £1), rideshares such as Uber or Lyft, or rental cars. The downtown area is highly walkable, while electric bikes and scooters (MetroBike) are popular for short trips. BEST TIME TO GO The best time to visit Austin is during the spring (March to May) and autumn (September to November) for pleasant weather; during this time, major festivals like SXSW and ACL Music Festival take place. FURTHER INFORMATION txrd.com; austintexas.org